Dark of the soul

Sacred, secret, unspoken, mute vows that were once made the constellation of my moral code are shattered, scattered, hammered throughout the 'verse. I was eager to define myself through such cornerstones. Limitations for the ego, chains for the souls wicked, selfish, dark part.

 

So there I was again, with all hell breaking loose around me. This latest quarter-life crisis' casualty list is getting a bit too impressive and man with such adaptive moral codes seldom find a peace of heart or mind. Am I turning into something I was afraid of my whole life up to this point, or am I just a simpleton paranoid scared about my latest ventures?

 

What happens when two unstoppable forces of nature decide to set for a collision course? As their flame brightens the horizon it also brings the dawn for those who once thought it was possible to hold them. And such cosmic events often wipe the table clean. What happens when they collide? Are they destined to destroy each other and find only bitter and dust in the wake of their destruction, or are they able to find what they were looking for at the first place?

 

Is it a decision at all, or are we ready to accept that there are certain drives that cannot be described, nor controlled? Drives that are more ancient than those who can carry them out: men.

 

And if such acceptance is possible and mayhaps even welcomed, is it enough to justify the actions that took place recently? Actions that were fueled of course, by both parties. Is there a room for guilt and shame here or are they simply not invited for such scandalous events?

 

What was I supposed to do? Deny such core drives? There was a time, when dilemmas never grow on such matters. Was I more honorable, or the temptation was weaker back then? What changed since such heroic times? Did I compromise or simply found out that the stakes are getting higher? But then again, high stakes are all there is to it? I've begun to entertain myself with such delusional thoughts that there is something else at work here; that there is a slight chance that, things are just simply supposed to go this way.

 

But what way is that? Amongst the ruins of the offer mentioned destruction, I don't seem to recognize a highlighted road that is obviously there for the taking.  And, all of a sudden, there is a certain enlightenment. As the dragonknight herself said, there is a minefield laid out in front of me. But I'm not in a hurry to step on it just yet. Patience could by my strong suit. And mayhaps, just mayhaps, the minefield could disassemble so that a clean opportunity can present itself.

 

I have been bitten by mines before, and I seldom want to feel the loss of any more mental limbs ever again.

 

What goes around comes around as many like to believe. And if the 'verse ever find itself in the mood to balance recent events, I shall accept that, for regrets I have none.

 

Which ultimately means, that the world is, after all, a cruel place. It is time I finally wave my goodbyes for my innocence.

--->